Sunday, February 8, 2009

Self-Empathy, Affirmation, and Compassion

  • Maybe there isn't anything I *should* be doing...
  • Time goes by really fast.
  • It's okay to be more authentic - it's OK that things are a bit messy and chaotic, and that I sometimes "lose it" with my kids. It's OK to cry in front of my kids.
  • You aren't giving in, you are noticing how important something truly is to your child.
  • It's how I feel about myself...
  • There is never a useful role for criticism in loving relationships.
  • Having fun is REALLY important in life.
  • It's important to presume positive intent, children (and parents) are always doing the best they can.
  • Kids are quick to forgive and understand when parents make mistakes or didn't know better, and they truly appreciate apologies
  • I can cope with exhausting physical work, very little sleep, and complex issues that trigger my deepest emotional pain, and still be a good parent.
  • As well-intentioned as I might be, yelling and screaming still happens on a bad day.
  • Our kids could learn a lot by seeing Moms have compassion for one another.
  • The hardest job in the world is also the most rewarding.
  • I can relate to other mothers simply on the basis of our common motherhood despite differences in our religion or lack thereof, politics, parenting beliefs, age, ect, ect, ect..... I used to believe I could only relate to a "certain kind of woman". Now I see people with different beliefs as more than one dimensional.
  • Things that I see as a really big personal flaw actually don't matter to my child and can actually benefit her. Like I used to stress alot about not being able to drive. But taking public transit has given ___ a way better sense of direction than I've ever had plus exposes her to a much larger variety of people, language, situations than she would have otherwise been exposed too.
  • Judging other mothers will only backfire on you. So many things I have felt judgmental of in other mothers I have found myself doing as___ has gotten older.
  • Being honest and forthright with your child is much harder than I ever imagined. I am guilty of lying to protect her innocence and probably will be again in the future.
  • Things can be done very, very, slowly, and still get done. (not necessarily on time)
  • If a parenting philosophy seems too dogmatic, it probably is. I do much better following my gut, taking what feels right from different sources and leaving the rest.
  • It can be very hard to be a good example. ___ is the first one to let me know when I have made a mistake.
  • It is OK to NOT know what to do sometimes and it is always OK to make overs are lifesavers!!
  • We all just want to be loved for Who we are, right now. Love and accept your child for Who they are, as they are, not who you wish them to be.
  • We are all too hard on ourselves. That is why there is no need to repeat to a child what they have done wrong or punish. They already know and already feel worse than we could ever impose in as much as they developmentally can understand.
  • We all deserve to be treated equally with respect and trust. In many ways this is a DUH but wow...rarely do I find parents who don't believe or treat children as a step below adults in some way...
  • Speak to children the way you would like to be spoken to. Or how you would speak to your best friend or most cherished one....This is how they will speak to themselves so we must be concious of this Voice and Intention behind the words.
  • Believe in your child always and over anyone else on earth. Believe them, no matter what they say or how incredulous you feel.

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